Lord Voldie & I
by EvenstaroftheEast
Summary: Songs from Wicked, the musical, adapted to Harry Potter. So far, The Wizard & I and Popular!
1. Lord Voldie & I

**Summery**: A satire of Snape, taking place during his years at Hoggy Warty Hogwarts based on the song the Wizard & I from the amazing musical Wicked!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. I don't own any reference to Harry Potter, they belong to J.K. Rowling, the lyrics to the Wizard & I belong to Stephen Schwartz so don't sue me!

Snape:  
Did that really just happen?  
Have I actually understood?  
This weird quirk I've tried  
To suppress or hide  
Is a talent that could  
Help me meet Lord Voldie  
If I am bad  
So I'll be bad

When I meet Lord Voldie Once I prove my worth  
And then I meet Lord Voldie  
What I've waited for since: since…. -Snape pauses thinking- yesterday?

And with all his Voldie evilness  
By my greasiness, he won't be blinded  
Do you think the Dark Lord is dumb?  
Or, like Gryffindors, so small-minded?  
No! He'll say to me,  
"I see who you truly are -  
A boy on whom I can rely!"  
And that's how we'll begin  
Lord Voldie and I:

Once I'm with the Lord Voldie  
My whole life will change  
'Cuz once you're with the Lord Voldie  
No one thinks you're strange!  
No marauder makes fun of you,  
No Slytherin acts ashamed  
And all of England has to worship you  
When by the Dark Lord you're acclaimed  
And this gift - or this curse -  
I have inside  
Maybe at last, I'll know why  
When we are hand and hand -   
Lord Voldie and I!

And one day, he'll say to me, "Severus  
A boy who is so superior  
Shouldn't a boy who's so bad inside  
Have a matching exterior?  
And since folks here to an absurd degree  
Seem fixated on your greasyness  
Would it be all right by you  
If I de-greasify you?"

And though of course  
That's soooo important to me  
"All right, why not?" I'll reply  
Oh, what a pair we'll be  
The Dark Lord and I:  
Yes, what a pair we'll be  
Lord Voldie and I When people see me, they will scream  
For half of England's evil team:  
The Dark Lord  
And I!


	2. Evil!

**Summery: **Songs from the amazing musical Wicked! adapted to Harry Potter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Wicked or Harry Potter. If I did, my name would be much more well known.

**A/N: **In fact, I do not own this version. It was written by the amazing StarryFluff

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Whenever I see someone who's not as bad as I,  
And let's face it, who isn't, not quite as bad as I?  
My nonexistent heart,  
Tends to start  
To shrivel up.

And when a personality needs a makeover,  
I simply have to take over.  
I know, I know,  
Exactly what they need!  
And even in your case.  
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face.  
Don't worry; I'm determined to succeed,  
Follow my lead,  
And yes indeed, you will be…

Evil! You're gonna be evil!  
I'll show you the proper charms,  
For putting people at harm!  
Little ways to stalk and pounce!  
O! I'll show you what curse to use,  
How to fix a noose!  
Everything that really counts,  
To be evil.  
You're gonna be evil.  
You'll hang with the purebloods,  
And call others crud!  
Know the spells you ought to know!  
So let's start, cause you've got an awfully long way to go!

Don't be offended by my working faster,  
But your personality really is a disaster,  
Now that I've chosen to become you're master,  
Your evil lord,  
You can't afford,  
To waste time when it comes to evil!

You soon will be evil!  
And with an assist from me  
Bad's who you'll be  
Make you bad, certainly we will!  
And with only minor upheaval,  
You'll be completely evil.  
Ill!  
Il! Ill! Il! Ill!

We're gonna make you evil.

When I see frolicking creatures  
With strangely joyous features  
I remind them on their own behalf  
To think of  
Anarchy and people dying,  
Chaos and their children crying!  
Do you think it's cause I'm realistic?  
Don't make me laugh! (Mwahahaha!)

It's cause I'm evil! Please -  
It's all about evil!  
It's not about happiness,  
Or the way your dressed,  
Though the black cape does add zest!  
You'll be very, very eevil!  
Like me!

And though you insist,  
Of your evilness,  
I know you're not so mean.  
You're gonna frown and kill them,  
All the little childrenies!  
Mwa! Ha! Mwa ha ha!  
You'll be evil-  
Just not as quite as evil,  
As me!

Review! And make both me & StarryFluff very, very happy!


	3. Something Bad

Summery: The song from Wicked, Something Bad, is sung by two random people in 'Wizardom' about the beginning of Voldemort's reign.

Disclaimer: Ok, so you know when you went to this site? What was the URL? If it is FANfiction, then obviously all this is written by fans and not the marvelous J.K. Rowling who owns this. Also, Something Bad belongs to Stephan Schwartz.

A/N: I used the names Smith and Jones in the song because they are pretty common and I think they would be good Muggle-born names. This song is about what Voldemort is doing to Muggle-borns, by the way. These are just two random people discussing it. I don't think this is my best work, but here goes:

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PERSON #2:

The things one hears these days.

Dreadful things:  
(sung) I've heard of a Jones

A professor from Tones  
No longer permitted to teach  
Who has lost all powers of wizardry  
And an Smith in Diagon Alley  
A judge with unanimous support  
Forbidden to rule  
Now he looks like a fool  
Only rumors - but still -  
Enough to not give fill  
To anyone with 'bad blood'  
Something bad is happening in wizardom

PERSON #2  
Something bad? Happening in Wizardom?

PERSON #1  
Under the surface  
Behind the scenes  
Something bad

PERSON #2

Father - If something bad is happening  
to the Muggle-Borns, someone's got to tell the Minister.  
That's why we have a Minister  
(sung) So nothing bad:.

PERSON #1  
(spoken) I hope you're right:

BOTH

Nothing all that bad:

PERSON #1  
Nothing truly bad:

PERSON #2  
It couldn't happen here  
In Wizardom

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Review please people!


	4. Flying through life Part I

HERMIONE  
The trouble with Quiddich is  
It always makes House rivalries  
Believe me, I've seen  
Enough of it to know  
It makes you to become more callow  
More shallow  
But I say: why invite anger in?  
Stop flying around  
And learn to live "the studious life":

HARRY:

Flying through life  
Whizzing around  
Gliding where wind is strong  
Life's more painful  
For the brainful  
Why think too hard?  
When it's so soothing  
Flying through life  
No need to tough it  
When you can sluff it off as I do  
Flying matters  
But knowing flying matters  
It's just life  
So keep flying through

Flying through life  
Twirling and diving  
And always keeping cool  
Life is fraughtful  
When you're thoughtful  
Those who don't fly  
Always look foolish  
Flying through life  
Mindless and careless  
Make sure you're where more  
Flying is there  
Flies are fleeting  
Blows are glancing  
When you're flying  
Through life:  
(spoken) So - what's the most Quiddichfied place in town?

GINNY:  
(spoken) That would be the Quiddich Pitch

HARRY:  
(spoken) Sounds perfect.  
(sung) Let's go down to the Quiddich Pitch  
We'll meet there later tonight  
We can fly till it's light  
Find the bestest broom:  
Give it a whirl:  
Right on down to the Quiddich Pitch   
Come on - follow me  
You'll be happy to be there:

ALL  
Flying through life  
Down at the Pitch  
Flying matters  
But knowing flying matters  
It's just life

HARRY:  
So keep flying through:


End file.
